When Your Human Fannie Pack Betrays You + Roasted Shaved Brussels Sprouts

Rule #99: Sometimes you’ve just gotta channel Miss Jan and get ‘er done.

I don’t know that I can claim that I’m a “Bathroom Selfie” type of gal. I’m more of the “Look Ma! I showered for the first time in 2 weeks, AND I’m wearing pants that zip” kinda selfie gal. I decided to document this moment, well, really the moment about 30 seconds before, because it was a monumental one for me. And for Brooke.

Parenthood

You see. Just before this little photographic moment, I experienced something I hadn’t yet experienced as a parent. I wear Brooke in this awesome carrier all the time – to the grocery store, on errands, at parties, everywhere. I even wear her into the bathroom… and yes… while using the facilities in said bathroom (it’s not weird because she’s a girl, too, right?).

Well, Brookie and I were enjoying our little break in the day when I stood up to zip the pants I’m proud to be wearing because they’re not held up with elastic… and… KER-PLEW-IE! I swear about half my kid’s body volume came out of her body, all over me, all over her, and all over the bathroom floor. It had to be a solid $12 worth of formula. Everywhere. What do I do? Do I run out and hope no one saw that blonde chick with the baby? Do I casually stroll around the store, buy my goods, and pretend like it’s not my problem? Nope. I was a Girl Scout. Girl Scouts always leave the place they’re at “better than you found it, Miss Jan!” (Jan was my Girl Scout leader, and I inherited some pretty strong, guilt-induced cleaning skills from her.)

So here we go, we’re doing this for Miss Jan. Still wearing my human fannie pack, I try to get as much of the absolutely horrible toilet paper that I can into a wad to clean the baby spit now spreading all over the floor. Problem: it keeps breaking apart as soon as I get two sheets out of the roller. Every two sheets: SKREWIP and then I’ve got to do the “hand up the toiler paper dispenser” search to find the end of the roll only to have it rip all over again. At this point, I’m on my knees while crouching in a manner that any chiropractor would frown on with a solid 14 sheets of cheap toilet paper in my hands. Subtitle: LOW POINT.

So, I shimmy on up, walk my stinky self out to the sink area praying no one walks in, grab a huge handful of paper towels, and go back to finish cleaning Lake Eyrie up from the bathroom floor. Why wouldn’t I have grabbed paper towel in the first place? Great question. Answer: I’m sleep deprived and possibly not mentally stable right now. That’s normal until my kids are grown, right? Anywho… it was an adventurous Wednesday morning for the Fannie Pack and me.

Parenthood

The day ended with even more baby spit all down my cute little top (now on sale for $20 now FYI). That’s how it rolls some days, ‘m I right? At least there’s Chard-on-YAY though!

Also – if you’ve never heard of Stacked Jewels, you need to follow her on Instagram like yesterday. She makes custom pieces (including the necklace I’m wearing) from beautiful stones and jewels.

Caslon Peplum Tee

Luckily through all the episodes of baby vomit, I was able to keep my new kicks clean! My sweet sister-in-law gave me these puppies for Christmas. They’re Steve Madden, so I knew the quality would be great. They’re also super comfy but still have a little I-don’t-have-baby-puke-everywhere sass to them.

Steve Madden Ecntrcqt Sneaker

Brookie is such a sweet little nugget, puke and all. During all of our outings the past few weeks, she just stares at everyone and everything and smiles and goo’s and ga’s. She’s basically a portable Walmart Greeter.

Brooke Marie

Corey has found his baseball bat + bases again. It’s back to batting practice in the living room. Good thing for me (and our house) that the baseballs are squishy and made of foam. Also, this may be the reason I have to do touch up paint around the house at least once a month. Could be. Might be related. I don’t know…

Cowboy Corey Plays Baseball

Low Carb Life continues for us with this night’s round of “How to Survive Your Life Without Pasta or Rice”. We opted for some Slow Cooked Pulled Pork (recipe DEF coming soon – it was a major Jon Boy hit), Roasted Shaved Brussels Sprouts (recipe below – thanks to my sweet sister-in-law for the idea), and Roasted Sweet Potato Slices.

Low Carb Dinner

This pork, y’all. It’s just a dry rub, some onions + garlic, beef stock, and a good ole Boston Butt Roast. Takes about 12 hours on high in the slow cooker and SO worth it.

Slow Cooker Pulled Pork

Here’s how we make our Roasted Shaved Brussels Sprouts:

Roasted Shaved Brussels Sprouts

1 bag shaved Brussels sprouts (or just finely slice some sprouts yourself)

2 tbs. EVOO (extra-virgin olive oil)

1/2 tsp. Kosher salt

1/4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper

1/2 cup grated Parmesan

Preheat oven to 400.

Toss Brussels sprouts with EVOO, salt, and pepper. Spread into an even layer in a baking dish. Roast at 400 for 20 minutes, until edges of sprouts begin to crisp. Sprinkle Parmesan all over (be as liberal as you’d like) and roast an additional 2 minutes until cheese melts.

Roasted Shaved Brussels Sprouts with Parmesan

My sweet friend redeemed me after she saw that Corey was (GASP) wearing a Slytherin shirt in our Christmas photo (see below). (Also – for the record – this was the best shot we could get of the four of us for our Christmas card. My cousin is one of the most patient souls in the world for sticking with us as long as she did to get this pic!)

family picture

I was ashamed that I’d been found out. How could MY son wear anything except what good ole Harry Potter himself would have worn?! I told her it was all Target had (they must be on Voldemort’s side…). Anywho – she hooked him up with this custom shirt so now he’s on the good side of the wizarding world! Check out her Instagram for all of her cute creations: @ThePumpkinMuffin

Gryffindor TShirt

Had to end with this face. I think she’s thinking, “Haha! If you knew what my diaper was about hold in the next few minutes… you’d put that fire out!”

Brooke Marie

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